The Roulettes: Snapshots
by Spin the Roulette
Summary: Side stories taking place in the Roulettes' multiverse, and some that don't. Basically, insanity. Snapshot 1: Battler Ushiromiya isn't who he thinks he is.


_**Dear Reader,**_

_**You have now stumbled upon a side project of mine, one that I call "The Roulettes: Snapshots". Here, I write out scenes that will never be canon (unless I decide that they are), scenes to slip in between canon, and scenes that are just too irresistible to write. Basically, side stories that take place in the Roulettes' universe.**_

_**Keep in mind that some of them take place in the future beyond "Beginnings", namely, set in future arcs and sagas. Thus, there may be some spoilers, but as my mind changes every so often, you may not have to worry.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

_**With love,  
Your beloved Effy**_

**

* * *

The Origin of Ushiromiya Battler  
AKA  
Umineko Was Bernkastel's Fault**

_

* * *

Six years ago…_

"Grow up well…and happy!"

That was the last thing Negi Springfield heard from his father, who levitated up into the sky.

"F…Father!" he cried, but he couldn't reach him. Instead, the young boy tripped up, faceplanting into the ground.

Tears started spilling from his eyes. This was his fault, wasn't it? If only he hadn't wanted to get into trouble so badly, his village wouldn't be like this. Nekane wouldn't be like this. Stan-san wouldn't be like this.

"Father…"

* * *

"You've taken a long time coming here, Nagi-san," the blue-haired witch remarked, a glass of Bernkastel wine in hand. "What happened? I almost thought our deal was off."

Nagi bit his lip. He hated making deals with witches like her, but he had no choice. If he had to protect Negi, he had to go against the values he had once held so highly. "I…had to do something important first," he replied. "The deal's not off yet, Bernkastel-san."

"Good," Bernkastel idly remarked. "So, are you ready? You know this means you'll never see your son again, or reverse the spell."

He nodded. "Of course."

"Close your eyes," she instructed him. "That way you won't have to see what's coming."

Nagi closed his eyes shut, knowing that he'd never open them again, at least not as himself. Silently, he thought of Negi and Arika.

_Goodbye._

Then he fell.

* * *

"How am I ever going to tell Rudolf that our child died in the womb?" Kyrie asked the doctor. "He was so excited about seeing him, and now—"

Suddenly, a humming noise started up. Kyrie and the doctor looked up to find a large, blue swirling vortex on the ceiling. A second later, an infant fell into her arms, and the vortex winked out of existence.

"…Congratulations, Kyrie-san," the doctor declared. "You have a healthy baby boy!"

Kyrie's eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over as she looked over the miracle that had landed in her arms. "I'll call you…Battler."

* * *

Somewhere, Bernkastel smiled, cruelly. "Oh, but if you only knew, Kyrie," she murmured. "If you only knew what was to happen because of this event, you wouldn't be so glad."

And somewhere, the girl that would soon be Beatrice the Golden found herself smiling. She didn't know why, but soon she would realize.

And somewhere, Battler Ushiromiya came into being, replacing Nagi Springfield and setting into motion a string of events that would lead to him meeting with his son again.

And somewhere, Negi Springfield cried, not knowing what had happened to his father.

_

* * *

Some number of years later…_

"And that's what happened," Battler finished. "Of course we all know what happened on Rokkenjima…"

Negi blinked. "You're kidding me," he spoke. "All this time, my father was in another world, fighting trolls—"

"Witches," Beatrice corrected.

"Witches, and trying to prove the truth of what happened on an island," Negi finished. "And all while under the impression that he was Battler Ushiromiya!"

Ash was silent for a moment, before sighing. "That's it, I really am too used to this kind of thing," he said. "It's just not shocking me as much as it should."

Asuna, however, was twitching madly. "So what you're saying is that all this time, Nagi was in another world, and _we didn't even know?_"

Battler threw his hands up in protest. "How was I supposed to know that myself?" he countered. "Remember, this whole thing is Bernkastel's fault!"

"It's the author's, actually," Guybrush suggested, but everyone just ignored him, save for Elaine, who just sighed and patted her husband on the head.

"Still, to know that Father was another person entirely after weeks of having been good friends with said person…" Negi trailed off. "You could understand why it's so much of a shock."

Lucas sighed. "At least you didn't have to fight him."

Claus coughed rather pointedly. "Yeah."

"Rather ironic, though," Beatrice pointed out, "that an amnesiac mage tried to disprove the existence of magic and substitute it for more mundane reasons when he himself once used magic before. It's a surprise that he didn't just pop out of existence the first time he tried to disprove it."

"And then became the Endless Sorcerer, lost his memory _again_, wrote the stories of when the seagulls cry, came back, regained his memory, and then became a magical girl," Chisame added. "Oh, yeah, that's believable."

Asuna made a face. "You took the words right out of my mouth."

"You forgot the part where he travels to other worlds," Roxas added.

"And has anyone forgotten about the pactio with his own son?" Beatrice continued, staring pointedly at her husband, who stared down at his shoes in the hopes that he would be saved from this insanity. "Granted, none of us knew at the time, and it was that damned ermine's fault."

Everyone glared pointedly at said ermine, who was perched on Negi's shoulder.

"I didn't know at the time!" Chamo protested. "If I did, I wouldn't have made them!"

"You made him kiss not only Battler," Conan answered, his voice cold, "but almost everyone on Rokkenjima at the time who didn't have a contract with him, just so you could start rolling in the dough."

Chamo gulped.

And it was then that Negi let loose an impromptu sneeze that quite literally blew the clothes off of everyone, and let quite a few people see how…(ahem) endowed many of the others were.

Especially Battler, self-proclaimed breast sommelier. Immediately, ignoring the fact that quite a few people were ogling his goods, he started trying to rub Beatrice's boobs.

"Oh, come on! I'm your husband, can't I enjoy them? Pleeeeease?"

SLAP.

Ash had gripped his hat tightly, and not even the force of said sneeze could blow it off his head. Now he was using it to cover his goods, and was now praying that this would never happen again.

All in all, it wasn't the best day of their lives.

_**

* * *

I think I just violated my brain. Oh, well. Here, have an omake.**_

* * *

Evangeline stared at Negi after he finished, trying to figure out where he had pulled that story from. "So what you're saying," she said, "is that you found your father, the Thousand Master, living under another identity in another world entirely."

Negi nodded. "Yeah."

"He's Battler Ushiromiya, the Endless Sorcerer."

"Mm-hmm."

"He's married to a witch who calls herself Beatrice the Golden."

"Yes."

"He's also a magical girl who can, as you put it, 'hop between dimensions'."

"Yes."

"Excuse me." And Evangeline stormed off to scream somewhere where she couldn't be heard.

* * *

_**Yeah, I think I'm done violating all the canons I loved when I was kid in ways I never thought possible before. Excuse me while I go dunk my brain in acid and laugh madly.**_


End file.
